One of the worst things a single parent can do is put the child in the middle. Both custodial and non-custodial parents often do this to hurt or manipulate the other parent. While the goal may be towards the other parent it can leave long lasting scars within the child. Parents often put the children in the middle without realizing it or with intent.
Effects on the Children
As hard as divorce can be on adults it can be worse on the children especially if the divorce procedures become bitter. If the parents argue in front of the children over custody, assets, and issues before, during, and after the divorce, it can lead to the child becoming withdrawn, depressed, or even angry. This can lead to more troubles within the home and in school.
Adult Conversations
Single/Divorced parents can put the children in the middle without even realizing it by having conversation in their presence that should be kept in private. Children should be free to love each parent without feeling pressured to takes sides in disagreements which can happen naturally as children also have their own opinions. However, when it comes down to it adults tend to know better than the children as to what is in their best interest. Parents may disagree on these issues but should present a united front to the children.
Children as Pawns
To often one parent will use the child as a pawn to manipulate or hurt the other parent. This can happened when one parent uses the threat of not letting the other person have visitation in order to manipulate the other parent. While this blatantly violates visitation orders, if any are in place, the non-custodial parent would have to take the issue to court in order to do anything about it and as many have learned this can be a costly process that provides very little results.
How to Avoid Putting Children in the Middle
It is said that accidents do not happen on purpose but there are steps people can take to prevent accidents just as there are steps single/divorced parents can take to avoid putting children in the middle. More times than not children are put in the middle because of the feelings that linger between the parents.
- Learn to let go of past hurt and anger.
- Communicate about adult matters away from the children.
- Do not talk bad about the other parent to the child or when they could overhear you. This can be difficult in situations where the other parent is causing problems. Find another adult to vent your frustrations with.
- Do not use the children as messengers. This will be discussed further in the fourth article in this series – Communication.
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